Dirty Pirate Feet

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

dance, monkey.

I've been spending a lot of time trying to better myself. I'm quitting smoking, but cold turkey is not agreeing with me. I know how bad smoking is for me, but it's something I enjoy doing. If i didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't do it, you know?Anyway, that aspect is going okay.

I also started working out. Helen and I are doing this biggest loser thing with some of her family. It's sad that I needed an excuse to be healthy. The weight loss aspect is going so well. I've been running a mile every day, sometimes two, and in two weeks, I only lost 3 pounds. If this wasn't a competition, I would care about the weight loss. But it is, and the fact that there's a cash prize, and I'm on the bottom rung right now (when I could really use the money) is what's disappointing to me. There's still good coming out of it though. I've been feeling better...just all around. I don't feel like shit all the time anymore. I don't feel so run down and tired anymore. I know I probably won't lose too much weight or come close to winning the competition, but I still gotta keep at it. It's good for me, and the effects are quite apparent. Here's to health!

Also, after 6 months of looking for a job, I have a interview tomorrow. I'm really hoping to get it, because the hours are effing perfect. It's a cook position, but without the food industry's late and weekend hours. It's a corporate gig. If I get the job, I'll be working a breakfast line in a cafe for Bank Of America employees. 6am to 2pm, Monday through Friday. Weekends and nights off. How great is that? I've never had where I didn't have to work weekends. I'm pretty effin' excited, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Every time I play with passion, I start breaking strings.

In a world of audio and visual over-stimulation, it’s hard to focus on…well, anything. With a constant barrage of myspace friend requests from bands (about 10 a day) it’s hard to find anything worth listening to. As a musician, I feel it’s only fair to at least give each of those bands a shot. They took the time to write and record these songs, post them to the ‘space, and hope someone hears it and actually likes it. Every single request I get, I go to those bands’ pages and listen to at least one song. 9 times out of 10, I get first-chorus deep, and click the little “x” on the page tab. There’s just so much mindless, meaningless bullshit. It’s all the same cookie-cutter nonsense. I think the only reason I waste my time on it is because I’m a musician myself. I expect the same respect I give.

When I was 17, I was excited about most music. Though when I was 17, I suppose most things were pretty exciting. Things still held promise for me. Life after high school was supposed to be great. Turning 18 meant I was a man. I could make my own decisions. Drinking was always such a thrill. Smoking a bowl after work, coming home, and trying to act sober until I made it behind my closed bedroom door was exciting. Then I graduated, turned 18, and thought I was a man. I tried to take on the world. I had no respect for anything or anyone. I was the shit, and I knew it. I did whatever I wanted. Then the world pushed back and fucked me up. Turns out, being able to vote and not having a curfew doesn’t make you a man. Drinking and drugs suddenly have consequences other than your parents grounding you. You don’t just wake up one day and magically have your shit figured out. Most of life is bullshit, and you have to wade through it until you die. There’s little moments of awesome that make up for it, though. Unfortunately, the ratio of awesome moments to bullshit is probably about 1:100. That being said, the ratio of awesome bands to bullshit is probably about the same (a-ha! Back on topic!). I’ve grown out of a lot of the music and bands that I used to listen to with such fervor. A big part of that is as those bands were also growing and changing, it was not in a way I agreed with. However, that band that has stuck with me the most over the years (at least so far) is Thrice.

The first thrice song I ever heard was “Artist in the Ambulance.” Yes, it’s a great song. Yes, it’s meaningful. Yes, it’s catchy. Yes, it’s also a lot like everything else that was happening in rock music then. For example, here’s a mixed CD I probably would have made in 2004:

Thrice-Artist in the Ambulance

The Used-Maybe Memories

Hawthorne Heights-Ohio is For Lovers

Senses Fail-One Eight Seven

Finch-Letters to You

Taking Back Sunday-You’re So Last Summer

Brand New-Seventy Seven Time Seven (or whatever the fuck that song is called)

Etc. etc. etc. You get the point.

This CD would have had some witty or clever title -mostly wordplay or puns- that would have had nothing to do with the actual content of the CD. This CD would have lived with me, been played in whatever car I was in going where ever, for probably about a month. Then I would have made another one with similar songs from similar artists.


Thrice, however, always seemed to frequent these mixed CDs more than any other band. There was just something about Thrice. Dustin’s voice…Teppei’s leads…Ed and Riley’s ridiculously tight rhythm section…it always struck a chord with me (wordplay!). I was always into them, but never as obsessed as my peers. Thrice always intrigued me. After I had played Artist in the Ambulance to death, I got my hands…nay, cursor, on digital copies of their earlier releases Illusion of Safety, Identity Crisis, and even the rare First Impressions (thanks for that one, Jeff). When Vheissu came out, it didn’t initially impress me. I reverted back to Illusion of Safety. Songs like “Trust” “The Red Death” and mosh pit favorite “Deadbolt” always left me wanting more, like I should be working harder to get where I wanted to be. The problem was, I didn’t know where I wanted to be. I was living in a beautiful city full of life, and I wanted no part of it. I had no friends where I was, and those back in my hometown had abandoned me. I was going to school that was way too uppity for me. The students were too high strung. I was surrounded in stress. I was supposed to be doing something I loved, and I wasn’t. Thrice’s Illusion showed me that it was okay to be pissed off. Everything was fucked up and backasswards and I wasn’t the one going crazy, it was the world around me. At least that’s the way 2006, 19 year-old me felt, and 2002 Thrice felt the same.

Vheissu grew on me over the years, and “The Earth will Shake” has become one of my favorite songs of all time. It’s in the top 10 of my top 100 songs. The entire album is a beautiful and heart-wrenching experience, and will always be a staple in my music collection. Vheissu showed me there’s a much bigger world out there full of wrong and injustice, and those with heart should stand up and do something about it.

In 2007 and 2008, Thrice released The Alchemy Index, four 6-song EP’s released two at a time. Each EP represent the different elements of verve; Water, Fire, Air, and Earth. The Index was everything I ever wanted to hear. It was musicians pushing limits, defining what it meant to be an artist, and redefining everything I thought I knew about music. Index made me want to be a better person and a better musician. It made me want to grab hold of those close to me and tell them I loved them.

If The Alchemy Index were all just pieces to a puzzle, Thrice’s 2009 release Beggars is all those pieces put back together. Beggars is just as soulful as everything else Thrice has ever done, it’s just as edgy, it’s just as catchy, it’s just as meaningful, and it’s just as relevant. In my opinion, Thrice is my generation’s Beatles. In their early career, they were just kids writing good songs and having fun. 11 years later, they’ve made a difference, broke new ground, changed (and probably saved) lives. Thrice has a message of hope, love, and understanding.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Water on the moon?

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/space/10/09/probe.moon.crash/index.html






....unbelievable.

Friday, October 2, 2009

...to awake and avenge the dead

I keep having these dreams about zombies. In these dreams, I'm always with a group of people I do not know. No one I do know is ever in these dreams. I always wake up before I get killed or anything really bad happens to me (other than....you know...a zombie apocalypse). In these dreams, I'm always armed, be it a shotgun, a rifle, a pistol, sometimes melee weapons, like machetes, clubs, and one particularly strange dream where a rather large group of people and myself were trapped in a amusement park and I was using a claw hammer and a crescent wrench to defend myself. Always in my dreams, the zombies are fast, agile, and strong, like the zombies in Dawn of the Dead (which is completely opposite to how I think zombies would actually behave). In that amusement park dream, the zombies all looked sort of like wookies, but shorter. Also in these dreams, the thing I find most peculiar is that I'm never scared. I'm always the leader of the group, and I always know what I'm doing. I never have any trouble making decisions, and I just...react. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to do, I just do it.

All of these things are the complete opposite of the way I think I would behave. If everyone I knew was gone, I would probably just give up. I'm not trained with any weapon or in an martial art, and would probably not be able to wield a baseball bat the way I do in these dreams. I almost always spend WAY too much time thinking about any decision I have to make. I would be an emotional wreck, and no use to any one, much less LEADING a group of people.

All this confidence I have is 4 out of 5 times just an act. I'm incredibly insecure, but it's not something I often admit to. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. The "me" in these dreams is never ME. There is no way in hell I could eviscerate a zombie with a hacksaw in one motion while he's flying through the air, jumping over me. I can't reload a shotgun fast enough to be ready for the next wave of zombies, much less be able to accurately and consistently shoot them in the head while they're running.

Yes, I will admit, I've done my fair share of zombie research. Go ahead, laugh. It's hard to do research when there's no factual evidence. I have seen plenty of zombie movies. I've read books. I've played video games. If and when a zombie-LIKE apocalypse happened, I would be intellectually ready for it. I know what I would need to survive. I know what I would need to do to survive. I know that zombies, scary as they are, are still only human. They can't sprint for miles and miles and miles. They can't jump ten feet in the air. They have the same physical limits that I do. Except they can "live" without food or water because they're already dead. The biggest difference between me and a zombie (other than the fact that I don't try to eat people) is I still have full use of my brain. I know that when this apocalypse happens, I could survive. I know how. But there's a HUGE difference in knowing how to do something, and actually being able to do it. There's no way I could emotionally handle the stress of that situation, plus having to deal with the fact that everyone I've ever known or ever loved is either dead or wants to eat my face off.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I really don't understand why I keep having these dreams or why I act the way I do in them.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Jon Lajoie FTW

Ready, Fire, Aim

Fighting has been apart of human life as long as...well, human life. It was first developed into a competition with the Olympics...so, I guess since the beginning of civilization. In the early 20th century, boxing started growing as a sport in the US. With advances in media, came advances in everything else. Boxing EXPLODED in the early 1960's, in part because of media, and in part because of characters like Muhammad Ali (who I can't believe is still alive...). Ali also changed boxing. It was no longer about power. It wasn't about hitting each other as hard as you can, and blocking as much as you can. Ali relied almost entirely on speed to avoid hits. He would just let his opponents wear themselves down, and then hit them once or twice for a knock out. Ali changed the game entirely.

Wrestling sort of turned into a joke with the creation of the World Wrestling Federation, but was still an extremely popular form of entertainment, because at that point, it was more acting than it was a sport.

Mix martial arts competitions date back to the early 1900's in Europe and Japan. The idea of MMA was popularized by Bruce Lee and Jeet Kune Do. Bruce said "the best fighter is not a boxer, karate, or judo man. The best fighter is someone who can adapt to any style."

In 1993, the first Ultimate Fighting Championship held it's first MMA tournament. UFC 1 was held to find the world's best fighters regardless of their style. The tournament had no weight classes, and the fights had no time limits. Fights only ended in submission, knock out, or giving up. There were very few rules, mostly just no biting and no eye-gouging. The fight showcased Savate, Sumo, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Wrestling, Boxing, Kickboxing, Kung Fu, and Aikido fighting styles. Royce Gracie of brazil, a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) black belt, won the tournament, defeating American wrestler Ken Shamrock, American boxer Art Jimmerson, and France's Savate world champion, Gerard Gordeau. Royce Gracie won all three fights in under three minutes, all by submission.

However, because the event was so violent, and had so few rules, the UFC was forced underground after UFC 1. Eventually, the UFC re-emerged with Dana White as it's president, with stricter rules, and was more socially and politically excepted as a legit sporting event. After a few events, it was clear the the UFC was the evolution of fighting competition.

With the creation of the reality TV show, The Ultimate Fighter, in which contestants fight their way to a UFC contract, MMA and the UFC has become even more accessible to...well, everyone. Ultimate Fighter gives the world a chance to look inside these fighters lives, see the way they train, how hard they work and to get to know them. Of course there's other reality TV shows that do the same thing with OTHER entertainers...American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, America's Got Talent, etc etc etc...but what, I ask you, ever became of the winners of those competitions? Or even the losers, for that matter. Oh sure, Kelly Clarkeson and Carrie Underwood still have successful careers, but what happened to Ruben? Or Fantasia? Jordin Sparks? David Cook? Kris Allen? Sure, David Cook is touring, playing summer fairs. But that's where artists go to die. It's like a last-ditch effort at a failing career. ANYWAY, what happened to those people? I know what happened. Nothing.

The Ultimate Fighter winners, however, still have a career. So do a lot of the losers as well. Season 1 winner, Diego Sanchez, holds a record of 21-2 and is going for a lightweight title shot against BJ Penn in December of this year. Kenny Florian, who LOST to Sanchez on the season 1 finale, holds a professional record of 11-4, and last month lost a fight to BJ Penn trying to get the lightweight belt. Rashad Evans, winner of season 2 for the heavyweights, is now fighting in the light heavyweight class, and last year took Forrest Griffin's (of Season 1) light heavyweight belt (but then lost it to Lyoto Machida). Keith Jardine of season 2 (who didn't even make it to the finals on the show) holds a record of 14-6-1 and has defeated UFC greats Forrest Griffin, Brandon Vera, and Chuck Liddell. Joe Stevenson of season 2 holds a record of 30-10, and is fighting at UFC 104 next month. And these are all just fighters from the first 2 seasons of the Ultimate Fighter. I could go on for days.

ANYWAY...UFC fighters are easy to identify with. They're just regular people. They're not untouchable super stars like wrestler Hulk Hogan or boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. They're not weird fictitious characters like wrestlers Sting and Kane and the Undertaker. UFC fighters are just average people who have dedicated their lives to mixed martial arts. They're just like you or me.

This accessibility has become increasingly more apparent. Go to any sports bar on a fight night, and you'll see all kinds of people. You'll see legit fight fans who can't afford the PPV prices. You'll see people who are just there for the drink specials, but end up watching the fight anyway. You'll find jocks, nerds, bros, scene kids, and...most importantly, chicks. Yes, real live women who are actually FANS of the UFC and it's fighters. Why? Because these fighters are real people. We've seen them cry. We've seen them drunk. We've seen them bleed, sweat, swear, happy, sad, pissed off. We feel like we know these fighters, because they're just like us. We can relate to them. What the hell do you have in common with Mike Tyson? Maybe a lot, but there's no way to know that. He hasn't let you into his life the way Forrest Griffin has. They could walk in and sit down and watch the fight with us, and they'd be just like everyone else there.

The UFC is for everyone. Watch a Chuck Liddell fight, as well as the pre- and post-fight interviews. You'll probably hate him for his arrogance just like everyone else does. But after watching him fight, god damn it, you'll respect him.

The popularity of the UFC has also changed fashion (for that market at least). Instead of Bros wearing Hurley or Element or Vans tshirts and hats, now they're wearing Tapout, One More Round, and Bad Boy. Then there's shit like Affliction and Ed Hardy, which seems to be the uniform for douche bags. People wear this stuff because that's who sponsored Anderson Silva, or Georges St Pierre. The UFC made it okay for white people to wear Ecko Unltd. Instead of HUGE kotton mouth kings stickers on raised bro-trucks, it's a huge Tapout sticker. Things are changing, but...not very much. The art and style of this stuff is all the same as before, but it just has different words. The guys that wore spitfire or FMF gear in high school are now wearing Dethrone, or Silverstar. It's all the same, really. But instead of skateboarding or motocross gear, it's fight gear. Instead of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4,306, game developers made UFC Undisputed 2009.

I guess my point is, that, unfortunately, just like extreme sports, fighting and the UFC is just a fad. Something else will come along, and if you're still wearing Tapout instead of a Extreme Bass Fishing (which would of course be EBF...not to be confused with XBF, or Extreme Butt Fucking) tshirt, you're not cool. If you're excited about UFC 234 and not FCFR (Full Contact Foot Racing) 36, you're not cool.

Fighting is what these athletes do. They are fighters, first and foremost. It's not about entertaining. Matt Huges and Matt Serra still would have beat the shit out of each other if there was only 10 people there watching. Do you think Triple H would have wrestled Randy Savage if there weren't 300,000 people in attendance, not to mention the millions of people watching at home? FUCK. NO. Would Def Leppard have kept making records without the promise of fame? nope. They were about the lifestyle, not the music. Just how pro wrestlers are about the lifestyle, not the fights. Brock Lesner made the transition from WWF to UFC and was successful. He won the heavyweight belt from Frank Mir in his 3rd fight. Now, there's no doubt that Lesner beat Mir, but I don't feel he even earned that fight. Most Fighters have to win at least 10 fights to even be considered for a title fight. Here's this giant asshole with stupid fucking tattoos getting a title shot three fights into his mma career...and well...he wins.

I think that as soon as Dana White starts giving people contracts to get ratings, as soon as he gives a contract to a clown over someone who deserves it, that'll be the end of the UFC. It'll lose all meaning, all it's legit hardcore fans, and it's days will be numbered, just like everything else.

But until Dana makes that mistake, I say fight on.